Saturday, December 18, 2010

Guest Post: Sybil Nelson in the Voice of Priscilla the Great

Hey everybody, I've got a real treat for you today! Sybil Nelson, the author of  Priscilla the Great, has provided me with a blog post in Priscilla's voice. The topic: Twilight. As you can probably imagine, this is a topic that provides numerous laughs.

But first, let me introduce you to Priscilla.
"Meet Priscilla Sumner, an ordinary seventh grader with extraordinary gifts. As if middle school isn’t hard enough, not only does Priscilla have to fight pimples and bullies, but genetically enhanced assassins trying to kill her and her family. Armed with wit, strength, and a genius best friend, Priscilla must defeat the Selliwood Institute, an organization dead set on turning children into killing machines.

Add an older brother annoyingly obsessed with Christina Aguilera, mischievous baby twin brothers who could scare the sin off of Satan, and parents more puzzling than a Rubik’s cube in the Bermuda triangle and expect a smoking page-turner!"

You can find out more about Sybil anf Priscilla here or here.

My Twilight Book Review by Priscilla Sumner a.k.a Probably the Last Person on the Planet who has Neither Read the Book Nor Seen the Movie.
I admit it. I’m probably the only 13 year old girl who has completely stayed away from Twilight. I’ve never read a single sentence of the book, and God knows I have not seen any midnight viewings of the wildly popular movies. But I still wanted to give my summary of a book that I’ve never read to see how close I come.
Okay, so Bella is a small town girl who apparently never smiles and who obviously can’t get a date with a normal boy thus her only two options are a vampire and a werewolf. Seriously, are there no jocks at her school? Anyway, she meets Edward and it’s love at first sight or something. Or maybe she’s blinded by his skin which I hear glitters in the sunlight. A hot and heavy romance begins with probably some really awesome make out scenes. Maybe I should read the book just for the make out scenes.
Now Edward is not all he seems to be. He’s hundreds of years old, but apparently he has the same sort of syndrome as Matthew McConaughey’s character from Dazed and Confused where he has a thing for teenage girls. He “keeps getting older, they stay the same age.” Gross.
Edward’s family doesn’t like Bella. They probably want to eat her or drink her blood or whatever. But Edward has found a soul mate in this girl who is a fraction of his age and I’m sure he swears to protect her or whatever.
Enter furry little Jacob. I think Jacob is poor and homeless or has an upper body allergy to clothing, thus his lack of a shirt in all the Twilight promos I see.  Anyway, I think Bella at one point had a puppy she loved as child and therefore she feels some sort of attraction to a werewolf. Just so you know I’m not completely out of it, I know that later on he turns out to be a shapeshifter. I think that is even less appealing to me as the only shapeshifter I know is that weird looking guy from Star Trek Deep Space Nine.
Jacob and Edward hate each other. I’m not sure why. I guess Vampires and Werewolfs have some kind of long standing rivalry like the Red Sox and the Yankees or maybe they just don’t enjoy the taste of each other’s saliva on Bella’s tongue.
So a bunch of stuff happens but what it really comes down to is that Bella has to choose between Edward and Jacob. Of course, she chooses Edward and they live happily ever after on his retirement benefits.
So that’s Twilight from the perspective of a girl who has not read the book. Am I close? Let me know.
Priscilla is a character from the new book Priscilla the Great by Sybil Nelson. Visit her website for more info.

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